A List! Because Goodness Abounds!

you know, if i'm good at anything, i'm good at dwelling in anxiety. i can spend all day in a cloud of worry, and i can spend all night dreaming about the same stuff (in fact, i had a couple of dreams about staffing last night - it was ridiculous).

but for all my worry and fear, for all my doubts and uncertainty, there are many wonderful things in my life. and rainy tuesdays are good days to list the things in life that are simply awesome. so here are a few:

- spicy and delicious homemade ginger syrup, used to make equally spicy and delicious ginger lime cocktails, to be shared with awesome friends.

- mario kart marathons. and if you think this is going to be the only nerdy thing on this list, think again. you clearly don't know me. 

- good beer by way of a reasonably priced victory variety pack. hop devil, golden monkey, victory pils, and victory lager - yum. 

- God's providence with staffing, as more and more people (especially dudes) submit applications for a summer of ministry.

- job stuff is...well it's not all gloom and doom. there are good options on the table. if i could just surrender my anxiety, things would really be looking up!

- a brand new, totally soft, really warm micro fleece with the ligonier logo emblazoned on the front. for cheap! i love it.

- enjoying the extended editions of the lord of the rings via netflix, while simultaneously re-reading the books (i told you there was more nerdiness to come!).

- time spent with lots of friends - neighbors & visitors alike, who are encouraging, funny, and just all-around wonderful.

- conversations with amy, who patiently listens and faithfully prays for me, even while abroad in germany with her own worries.

- little people (dylan and james, duh) who shout and run to say hi every time i see them. it consistently makes my day.

- netflix. i just...i love netflix. that's all. 

- bread pudding, wii fun, and good tv for tonight!

- simple photoshop tutorials that make my point and shoot camera look like a dslr of awesomeness.

before:

after...see??

- green returns to the trees! spring & the promise of summer! warm days! thunderstorms! delight!

- the promise of vacation, mere weeks away

so things are good. great, even. today is a quieter day in the office, but things in life are happening the way they should - which is to say, as God has set them out to be. my prayers for patience, trust, and courage are answered at the right times. and there are plenty of blessings to temper my anxiety - i just need to take the time to see them.

Rain and Gloom, Or How I (re)Discovered God's Faithfulness in February

the last two months have been a challenge. i packed up my cozy room in mcconnellsburg. i said tearful goodbyes to my church family and, you know, my regular one. i said goodbye to one tiny town and hello to another tiny town.

i moved to camp.

and if you know me, you know i love camp. it felt so strange to be away from it this summer. away from the games, the routine, the songs and skits and staff. so the opportunity to be back - and not just back, but back starting in january - sounded fantastic. it sounded like where i was supposed to be.

but when the time to leave rolled around, it felt less like that. i realized how much home felt like, well, home. leaving felt absurd and scary. but at that point, it's not like there was much of a choice left to make; it was time to go.

and now i'm here. the work is good work. i have community, and a job that matters. i live in a cozy house:

and i live with friends and neighbors who are caring, loving, and gracious. even with all that, the transition has been rough around the edges at times. i leapt headfirst into a time consuming and pretty intense job. and even with the familiarity of camp and the surrounding area, there's a level of feeling out of place that comes and goes.

in other words, it's not home yet.

today i gave a family with three sons a tour of the property and answered their questions about camp. and while i was telling them about everything we do, i remembered how much this place can feel like home. i remembered how precious my summers have been here, and i remembered how much i love being here.

so this afternoon, i decided to go for a walk. the weather here is downright gross today. it's rainy, gloomy, muddy and wet. yesterday would've been a much better day to trek about, with the sun out and the bright blue sky, but today felt right. it's not too cold, and the rain isn't too heavy. and the more i looked, the more beautiful the day became.

i don't mean to sound too melodramatic here. it's not like i've been slogging through some emotional turmoil and i finally had some breakthrough today. "i've been so sad, but now i see that the sad is beautiful!" ha, not this time. i'm actually quite happy, but the confusion and transition felt a little messy.

today it was nice to be out in the mess and enjoy it. it's not that photogenic, it's not the ideal day to show off our property, or to take a lot of photos for my blog to impress you with the beauty of my surroundings. but it's where i am right now, and today i remembered that the lord put me here with great intentionality. he put me here, because here is where i'm supposed to be. he put me here in the middle of winter, when there are no kids, when it snows all the time, when it's cold and icy.

he put me here to accomplish his purposes for me, no matter how vague or distant they might feel to me right now. and he calls me to enjoy it, not just in the summer. not just on the bright and beautiful days, but always.

Under Duress

Oh hi. Remember me? Remember this bloggy mcbloggy thing? I barely do, to be honest - which is evident from my total lack of posts in the last, oh, two months.

UPDATES:
- I have some cool stuff happening starting in January. I'm being purposefully vague. Perhaps unnecessarily so, but WHATEVER. It's my blog. I do what I want.
- Because of the cool stuff, I got to quit my retail job! Which is good. Because it was far away and it was retail, and there's this little thing called "Black Friday" coming up and I don't have to work in a retail job for it anymore. Bullet = dodged.
- I'm trying to get as much teaching in as possible. I taught English today and Friday, and I will again tomorrow! Though tomorrow I'm teaching at the tiny little private Christian school in my county, not the public school I taught in today and Friday.

So there. Changes, quitting, teaching! Also, I'm busy teaching/singing with the (two) high school girls at my church, teaching the high school Sunday school class, learning tons of music for the community chorus, and bouncing around doing fun stuff on the weekends.

I also got a web cam (and a haircut!)

See, I just took that picture! JUST  NOW! And I've been Skyping with everyone, near and far. Well, mostly far. Lindsay and Eric in Florida, Emily in Syracuse, Olivia in Lewisburg, and Whit in England! The internet is awesome.

In summation, further proof that the internet is totally awesome: A baby monkey riding on a pig.

You're welcome.

Summer time!

It's summer! I'm going to say that's 90% awesome, 10% not awesome. Here's why:

+ The weather's been consistently beautiful for the last two weeks. Even rainy days like today feel nice!
+ Speaking of rainy days, this is the first summer in 5 years where I don't have to worry about them. Since I'm not working at camp, I don't have to worry about thunderstorms or rainy day games or any of that stuff. I can sit on my porch and watch the storms roll by.
- However, that means I'm not at camp. And that's kind of lame, honestly. I'm still getting used to the idea that camp is happening without me...which is okay, and most of the time I'm totally fine with it. But occasionally I'll have a moment where I think about it and it's a little sad. More on that later.
+ I'm going to HARRY POTTER WORLD in about two weeks.
+ Lindsay and Eric's wedding is coming up soon, which will probably be the biggest social event of my summer. EVERYONE WHO'S EVERYONE will be there! Well, sort of.
+/- Subbing is over for the summer, obviously. On one hand, that's kinda nice; I can go to bed knowing I won't be getting a 6AM phone call. On the other hand? I have no source of income. Ugh.
- Not subbing allows for a TON of time where I get to sit in the house alone and fret about the future. Will I get a teaching job? Will I have to move somewhere else? Will I even hear back and get an interview anywhere? Will I be able to pay my student loans? Will I have to defer? Will I end up working at Giant bagging groceries? Should I get a retail job somewhere this summer, since I have no income? Will I be here next year subbing all year? Can I even handle that? ...You get the picture.
+ Gardening is cool! We have lettuce, strawberries, mint, thyme, and basil in abundance. On Monday, Anna and I went cherry picking at the cherry tree behind our church, so I have a fridge full of strawberries and cherries. We also planted tons of plum tomatoes, "pineapple tomatoes" (which are an heirloom variety), yellow peppers, red peppers, cayenne peppers, and broccoli. Those probably won't be ready for harvesting until much later in the summer, but I'm seriously looking forward to enjoying them.

I think that's it for the +/- game. This week is going by pretty quickly; Friday I'm hanging out with HS Beth and then going to a Hagerstown Suns game with my brother and aunt. Saturday I'm heading out to Lauren's house in Pittsburgh, and then going to the camp commissioning service at First Pres, then I'm booking it to Olivia's graduation party at the Greensburg Country Club. And then I'm back home! For about a week, before departing for HP WORLD (!!!!) with Whit, then picking up J-Raff and going to the wedding! And that brings me to July.

So the summer will be busy! Not as busy as being at camp, but I think I'm ready for that. Like I said, most of the time I'm totally okay with not being at camp. I LOVE it there but...I can tell it's time to step back. I'm trying to be intentional about praying for the camp, without letting myself feel like I need to be there. So far, so good.

So what about you? How's your summer? And do you know of any jobs out there??

Twitter, Design, and Questions

I got Twitter yesterday.

I know.

To begin with, I only half-understand it. All those # and @ and RTs and stuff...it's a little bit confusing. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that my confusion is what lead me to join. How does that even make sense? My logic is this: I'm too young to not understand Twitter. Does that make any sense? Is that a good mindset? I'm pretty sure the answer to both of those questions is no, but there you have it. I've always grown up with computers and technology; it's something I enjoy. And it would appear that Twitter is here to stay...and if I can't keep up with Web 2.0 when I'm 22, I'll probably be totally clueless when I'm 30. And it's Web 3.0 or whatever.

ANYWAY, all of that silly justification went out the window after I saw this -- a tweet from @sesamestreet (see what I did there? That's Twitter speak. Try to keep up.) saying: "Cookie Monster: Today me ate: chocolate cookie, oatmeal cookie, peanut butter cookie, and tofu stir fry. What, you think cookie all me eat?" I love it!


And really, while I think Twitter may be - as High School Beth put it - "just another thing to check," there are a few interesting things I've gleaned from it. I follow mostly people or entities that I don't personally know (NPR blogs/shows/folks, bands, muppets, etc.) and I get some fun little tidbits. As of now, I don't feel tied down to it. I'm not concerned about gettin' my Tweet on regularly. It's mostly just for fun info, not for socialization. I'll let Facebook suck away all of that time, thank you very much. 


In other news, I have a new blog layout! You can thank Twitter for that. I got all excited about picking colors and designs that I decided it was time for a little makeover here. I'm pleased with the results. I'm not a graphic designer, but whatev. This'll do for me!


Finally, there's the job hunt. I'm no longer vying for a CCO position, as it's been filled by someone else. And while any rejection comes with its sting, God prepared my heart for it well. I'm still anxious, and a bit at sea when it comes to what my future will look like, but I'm trying to use this uncertainty as an opportunity to rest in the Lord's sovereignty. Prayers are welcome, as the hunt for a job (preferably one teaching art) continues. There are some good leads, but no answers to all these questions for now. 

Now I just have to learn to let that be okay.

Oh, Hi!

My name is Stef Walker, and I'm a college graduate.

I think?

We got mega snow here in PA this weekend...so much so that I drove home on Friday night and missed my graduation ceremony at Kutztown on Saturday. I was a little bummed about it at first, but after the skies stopped dumping the 11+ inches of snow on my hometown, I got over it. Wanna see what I mean?












Of course, Anna, Ken, and I had to play in it. Anna's flinching because Ken had an entire shovel-full of snow he was about to throw on her.

SO. What's next, you may be asking (you and everyone else I know...sheesh)? I cleaned my room BIG TIME on Saturday, and I'll be doing the same thing to my entire house over the next few months. I'll be substitute teaching and painting and sorting and helping my family move into their new house. I'll be knitting and crocheting like cuh-ray-zay because I acquired an incredible boon of beautiful 100% wool yarn for FREE from a company that went out of buisness in Reading, PA. You want to see that too? Oh, Okay.





Other plans for the next six months? I'll be hanging out with my brother and my grandparents. I'll probably still spend my weekends going places and doing crazy things. And I'll be looking for like, you know, a real job too. So if you hear about any of those anywhere -- let me know.

But other than that, life is excellent! And preparation for the Christmas season is in full swing. Today? Cookie baking and shopping. Good stuff :)

Sick day...

Ugh. I'm home sick today with a cough and some of that "general malaise" that comes with a cold. I don't think it's anything more serious than that, but I figured I'd better rest up instead of spread it around at school to my babies.

Speaking of my babies, they're wonderful. Really, they are. I'm teaching high school kids now, and they're...lots of things. Funny, endearing, ridiculous, lazy, surprising, and sometimes a little crazy. I taught them how to crochet, a task which they picked up (well, most of them) with incredible speed and talent. They're like little iPod cozy and hacky sack factories now!

Yesterday I had the blessing of being able to just sit and chat with one of my students for a class period. I had a prep period and was grading some projects while my co-op worked on some things in another room. One of our students came to the classroom during her study hall to work on her crochet (she's making a beret, and she's pretty much an all-star) and I got to just listen to her tell me about her family, her hopes for the future, and her faith. Like....tada! Here it is! I use the word blessing to describe that, because it really was. I'm so honored that she wanted to share that with me, and furthermore, that I would even get that experience while student teaching is just so amazing to me. It reminds me that teachers are more than people who hand out knowledge. I want to know my students, not just teach them.

So other than that, life is going well. It's moving quickly, too. I'm graduating in 2 weeks from Saturday, my senior art show opens this Sunday, and I'm finishing up the last of my homework this week.

And Thanksgiving? It was wonderful. I much-needed break to spend with my family and start to sort out some of that future stuff. While there's still much uncertainty about where I'm going to be, I think some of the pieces are starting to fall into place. And I'm content with that much.

Aaaaaand, I'm OFF!

I leave for camp today! Which means I may or may not write in this blog...but that's okay. Because the summer is going to be wonderful!

If you think of it, it'd be awesome to have prayer for the campers and staff as we work to do some serious ministry this summer. Please be praying for effective training, safe travels, and open hearts that we would hear God's word and be struck by it anew. And pray for safe activities - from rafting to paintball to GOLDRUSH! The Lord prepared some incredible things for this summer, and I'm SO excited to see what those are going to be!

CAL-I-FORN-I-A

Well, I go off on the first leg of my adventure today in about an hour. I'm driving down to the Thayer's house tonight to hang out with Mr. & Mrs. Thayer (but um, not Whit or Liz...) and then tomorrow morning at 6 in the AM I'll be departing for the airport. And then (after 6 hours on a plane) I'll be in CALIFORNIA.

Try not to miss me too much while I'm gone.

The only thing bumming me out right now is the fact that it's Two Stamp Tuesday without CB and Marilyn(d). Buuuut...other than that, things are awesome.

I'll be back with pictures and stories, I'm sure!

Thank You Day

Today was Thank You Day at Kutztown. I have no idea what that means, except that I got a free t-shirt out of the deal. Which is pretty sweet, if you ask me. Maybe they're thanking me for getting all of my money? I'm not really sure.

Anyway, speaking of school - my time living here (since I'll be in Lancaster for next semester) is drawing to a close.

I'm going to pause and think about that for one moment...

....yessssssssssssss.

Today was my last day in painting and watercolor. It was my next to last art history class. Tomorrow will be my last early field class. On Friday I take a test, and then...

...then it is finished.

Well, except for the Praxis II at 7am the next morning. But that hardly counts! And then the end-of-the-year fun begins: Dana visits, Wing Night with CB and Marilyn on Monday, and then a Dip Party (I might be making the famous buffalo spinach artichoke dip) and the Swain Art show on Tuesday. And then HOME!

Also, it's worth noting that I'll be in California in two weeks.

Do you know what California looks like? It looks like this:



And this:



Oh, and a little of this:



I WANT TO BE THERE.

CCO and Chorus Concerts

What a beautiful Sunday! It was so nice at home - sunny, warm, breezy...just a perfect spring morning and afternoon.

I went home after my day sitting in on CCO training on Friday. My interview went well and the day was pretty fun. I didn't know that Tiffany Okel would be there, so it was pleasant surprise to know someone else who was there as a perspective staff member! It would've been a little awkward, otherwise. Though there are a lot of Ligonier people who are involved with the CCO, so I actually saw quite a few familiar faces.

The whole CCO thing is pretty crazy to me right now. I'm excited, apprehensive, nervous, and curious all at once. There are lots of thoughts swirling around in my head about all of this, but what I keep coming back to is the fact that the Lord will put me where He wants me. I'm not sure where that calling is right now - as an art teacher or as an employee of the CCO, or as something else all together - but I know I'll end up there in time.

I had some really good conversations with my parents over the weekend about the CCO stuff. They're pretty supportive of me in this, which is important to me. It's good to know that they're backing me up, even though it might seem like I'm doing something a little crazy.

Anyway, the weekend at home was great! I went to a community chorus concert last night in my high school's chapel. I googled it to find this ridiculously beautiful picture that I did not take (it's just as beautiful inside, believe me):



The Mercersburg Area Community Chorus is directed by my great uncle, and is made up of around 100 area musicians who do Christmas and springtime concerts. Not only is my uncle the director, but my dad, grandma, and other uncle all sing in it, while my aunt plays the bassoon. And there are about 5 or 6 other people from my church or high school that are involved as well. So beyond my familial obligation to attend, it's beautiful music! Incredible, really. Last night they performed Ralph Vaughn Williams' Dona Nobis Pacem and the orchestra was just breathtaking. Do I sound like a nerd? I am one. Sorry for waxing rhapsodic about this, but it's pretty cool to see my family do something so awesome.

Today was great too: church, lunch with the family, a little baking, and then a nice drive back to school. The weather is supposed to become chilly and rainy overnight, but the weekend was so beautiful that I don't really mind :)

Two Stamp Tuesday!

Yesterday was Two Stamp Tuesday at Rita's, so CB and I made the trek out to the closest one (about 15 mins away) and braved the rain for some deliciousness.

Once we were back in the warm car and out of the blustery rain, I realized that I couldn't feel my fingers. Those cups get cold! After complaining to CB about this, she excitedly jumped out of the car.



Moments later, after she dove into her trunk, CB resurfaced with a proper cup holder: one of those foam soda can holder things. It was excellent, as was my mango gelati.

In other news...tomorrow is my last day of teaching at Swain. Sad day! I've really grown to love those kids. It'll be hard to say goodbye to them. After school tomorrow, I'll be driving out to Ligonier for the night. I'm staying in Leeanne's house (even though she won't be there because she's on vacation) and then at 7AM on Friday I'm driving out to Antiochian Village to go to a CCO interview. It's something I've been praying about and thinking about a lot lately. I finished my application yesterday, and I'm going to have first interview over breakfast. I'm not really nervous right now, mostly because I've realized that if the Lord is calling me to work for the CCO, then I will. If not...I'll go where he leads me.

Then Friday night when I get back to school...well, I'll be "hitting the books" as they say. I have LESS THAN TWO WEEKS (HALLELUJAH) before the summer!! So I just have to pump out some finals and take the Praxis II and pack up all my junk.

And THEN on May 5th I'm driving down to visit Mrs. Thayer (love her!) and on May 6th I fly out of Baltimore to visit the one and only Lisa Lockwood.

So basically, I'm ready to be in California. Like...now.

Oh, and then CAMP. LOVE IT.