No Coward Soul is Mine

i went home this weekend to see the mercersburg area community chorus perform their spring concert. one of the things i miss most since moving from home is being able to sing with the chorus, so seeing the performance was bittersweet.

sitting in the chapel, hearing an orchestra and gorgeous choral music - i understand it's not for everyone. but it made me long to be up there making the music with everyone. i imagine athletes must feel this way when they watch someone else play their sport: it's fun to watch, but you'd rather be in the game.

the concert featured two major works: the first, haydn's famous oratorio the creation, and a newly commissioned piece by ola gjeilo entitled no coward soul is mine, whose lyrics are drawn from the poem of the same name by emily bronte. gjeilo composed the piece for the community chorus this year, to honor their 35th anniversary. i got to hear it performed for the first time -- and it was beautiful. its first performance has been uploaded to youtube - here it is:

the lyrics (or the poem, i suppose) felt especially poignant to me while i'm in a season of waiting, wondering, doubting, and more waiting. so here it is:

"no coward soul is mine" 

no coward soul is mine,

no trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere:

i see heaven's glories shine,

and faith shines equal, arming me from fear.

o God within my breast

almighty, ever-present Deity!

life -- that in me has rest,

as i -- undying Life -- have power in thee!

vain are the thousand creeds

that move men's hearts: unutterably vain;

worthless as withered weeds,

or idlest froth amid the boundless main,

to waken doubt in one

holding so fast by thine infinity;

so surely anchored on

the steadfast rock of immortality.

with wide-embracing love

thy spirit animates eternal years,

pervades and broods above,

changes, sustains, dissolves, creates, and rears.

though earth and man were gone,

and suns and universes ceased to be,

and Thou were left alone,

every existence would exist in Thee.

there is not room for Death,

nor atom that his might could render void:

thou -- THOU are Being and Breath,

and what THOU are may never be destroyed.

- emily bronte

I'm pretty much a wizard now.

Well. It happened.

I went to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

It was awesome.

It was also unbelievably hot, humid, and crowded. But mostly it was awesome. And while I don't have any pictures to post - yet - I'll be sure to add a few on here one Whit uploads them on FB. All in all, the trip was something that came at an opportune time. This job search thing is really wearing me thin; I'm constantly anxious about where I'm going to be in the next months. I know I shouldn't be anxious, because I have a supportive network of family and friends, not to mention a couple of options that, while perhaps less-than-ideal, will certainly keep me from living on the streets. Being able to leave the confines of my house and just go enjoy a vacation made a big difference. It was like a weight lifted for a while.

Anyway, I'll just share a few highlights, because I think that trying to give a play-by-play of the whole trip could get tedious. Whit and I departed from her house in Maryland on June 23, and took two days to drive down to Orlando. We took 95 for most of the trip, and - obviously - we stopped at South of the Border. That place is...awful. Seriously. What a creepy, creepy place. Anyway, we got to Orlando, found our hotel, and spent the next 3 days at Universal (which is where Harry Potter World is; it's a part of their Islands of Adventure park). Like I said, it was really flippin' crowded in the park, but it was fun to be there and just see kids having a blast. It was unreasonably hot and humid the whole time, which made me admire the stalwart kids who wore their HP robes while roaming about. Actually, I was more fearful for their safety than impressed by their constitution. I wonder how many little members of Gryffindor passed out at the park during the first week?

We tried the Butterbeer (duh) and got commemorative mugs (from which I drink everything now), and we also tried the real beer exclusive to the park. It's a Scottish Ale they serve at the Hog's Head, and it was surprisingly good (even at 11AM...wait, what?). We rode the rides which were as follows: The Flight of the Hippogriff (a kiddie coaster), The Dragon Challenge (a suspended steel rail coaster that NEVER had a line...I guess the families and kids at the opening of the park were less into intense roller coasters, which is fine with me...we took advantage of that fact), and the Forbidden Journey, which is the most notable HP ride in the park. The line is a tour of Hogwarts, and the ride itself is one of those simulation rides where you fly around and deal with like dragons, dementors, quidditch, etc. It was pretty sweet, even if Whitney lost a flipflop (RIP) when the lady next to her kicked it off her foot.

Anyway, the whole experience was pretty great. Sure, there were lines to do almost everything, but we didn't mind. We also spent an afternoon watching Toy Story 3, and another watching the USA loss to Ghana in the world cup. We spent a day at Disney, too, which was wonderfully nostalgic. Though Space Mountain? Not nearly as fun as I'd remembered.

The return trip included a day in Charleston, SC, which was beautiful and a two-night stay with Julie Rafferty in Greenville, SC, where we picked her up to take her to Lindsay & Eric's wedding. And the wedding? Awesome. So fun, so meaningful, just...just wonderful. What a blessing to see two of my favorite people get married! I sang Come Thou Fount in the service, which was an incredible gift to be allowed to do. I feel so honored to have been a part of that day in their lives. And, most of my fave people ever were at the wedding, so that was awesome too! We kept the party going the next day, as a huge group of camp folks, current and old (like me!) went to the Pirates/Phillies game in Pittsburgh. And then, finally, after almost two weeks on the road, I came home.

And that's where I am now. I'm in the thick of the job thing again. I have two interviews today, one in just a few minutes on the phone with the DC Public Schools, and another at Best Buy for just some part time employment. Being unemployed is certainly an exercise in trust, but it's getting slightly easier as the days go by.

Summer time!

It's summer! I'm going to say that's 90% awesome, 10% not awesome. Here's why:

+ The weather's been consistently beautiful for the last two weeks. Even rainy days like today feel nice!
+ Speaking of rainy days, this is the first summer in 5 years where I don't have to worry about them. Since I'm not working at camp, I don't have to worry about thunderstorms or rainy day games or any of that stuff. I can sit on my porch and watch the storms roll by.
- However, that means I'm not at camp. And that's kind of lame, honestly. I'm still getting used to the idea that camp is happening without me...which is okay, and most of the time I'm totally fine with it. But occasionally I'll have a moment where I think about it and it's a little sad. More on that later.
+ I'm going to HARRY POTTER WORLD in about two weeks.
+ Lindsay and Eric's wedding is coming up soon, which will probably be the biggest social event of my summer. EVERYONE WHO'S EVERYONE will be there! Well, sort of.
+/- Subbing is over for the summer, obviously. On one hand, that's kinda nice; I can go to bed knowing I won't be getting a 6AM phone call. On the other hand? I have no source of income. Ugh.
- Not subbing allows for a TON of time where I get to sit in the house alone and fret about the future. Will I get a teaching job? Will I have to move somewhere else? Will I even hear back and get an interview anywhere? Will I be able to pay my student loans? Will I have to defer? Will I end up working at Giant bagging groceries? Should I get a retail job somewhere this summer, since I have no income? Will I be here next year subbing all year? Can I even handle that? ...You get the picture.
+ Gardening is cool! We have lettuce, strawberries, mint, thyme, and basil in abundance. On Monday, Anna and I went cherry picking at the cherry tree behind our church, so I have a fridge full of strawberries and cherries. We also planted tons of plum tomatoes, "pineapple tomatoes" (which are an heirloom variety), yellow peppers, red peppers, cayenne peppers, and broccoli. Those probably won't be ready for harvesting until much later in the summer, but I'm seriously looking forward to enjoying them.

I think that's it for the +/- game. This week is going by pretty quickly; Friday I'm hanging out with HS Beth and then going to a Hagerstown Suns game with my brother and aunt. Saturday I'm heading out to Lauren's house in Pittsburgh, and then going to the camp commissioning service at First Pres, then I'm booking it to Olivia's graduation party at the Greensburg Country Club. And then I'm back home! For about a week, before departing for HP WORLD (!!!!) with Whit, then picking up J-Raff and going to the wedding! And that brings me to July.

So the summer will be busy! Not as busy as being at camp, but I think I'm ready for that. Like I said, most of the time I'm totally okay with not being at camp. I LOVE it there but...I can tell it's time to step back. I'm trying to be intentional about praying for the camp, without letting myself feel like I need to be there. So far, so good.

So what about you? How's your summer? And do you know of any jobs out there??