Sick day...

Ugh. I'm home sick today with a cough and some of that "general malaise" that comes with a cold. I don't think it's anything more serious than that, but I figured I'd better rest up instead of spread it around at school to my babies.

Speaking of my babies, they're wonderful. Really, they are. I'm teaching high school kids now, and they're...lots of things. Funny, endearing, ridiculous, lazy, surprising, and sometimes a little crazy. I taught them how to crochet, a task which they picked up (well, most of them) with incredible speed and talent. They're like little iPod cozy and hacky sack factories now!

Yesterday I had the blessing of being able to just sit and chat with one of my students for a class period. I had a prep period and was grading some projects while my co-op worked on some things in another room. One of our students came to the classroom during her study hall to work on her crochet (she's making a beret, and she's pretty much an all-star) and I got to just listen to her tell me about her family, her hopes for the future, and her faith. Like....tada! Here it is! I use the word blessing to describe that, because it really was. I'm so honored that she wanted to share that with me, and furthermore, that I would even get that experience while student teaching is just so amazing to me. It reminds me that teachers are more than people who hand out knowledge. I want to know my students, not just teach them.

So other than that, life is going well. It's moving quickly, too. I'm graduating in 2 weeks from Saturday, my senior art show opens this Sunday, and I'm finishing up the last of my homework this week.

And Thanksgiving? It was wonderful. I much-needed break to spend with my family and start to sort out some of that future stuff. While there's still much uncertainty about where I'm going to be, I think some of the pieces are starting to fall into place. And I'm content with that much.

I'm kind of failing at this, aren't I?

Wow, it's been a while. Sorry about that! I think about writing, but then I go and do something else, like write a lesson plan or something crazy like that.

Student teaching is flying by! I'm finishing up with my first placement this week. In fact, because it's a six-day cycle, I'm saying goodbyes all week to my students. It's pretty sad. I've been given drawings, cards, hugs, and even a round of applause from my students...in addition to a lot of other less tangible lessons. They're crazy, their lives are impossibly hard, but they're so sweet and they work so hard! Well...most of them do. I'm feeling sentimental, so I'm being a bit generous.

Other than teaching, my life is pretty normal...I went home last weekend and went to see Where the Wild Things Are with Ken, HS Beth and Anna. It was, um, kind of a downer. I mean, it was beautiful and well done, toed the line between sweetly heartbreaking and devastatingly painful. There's kind of a sinister thread that runs through the whole thing, with each wild, childlike scene reminding you of how cruel and broken childhood can be. By the end HS Beth and I were both tearing up while my sister tapped me and saying "WHY IS THE MONSTER CRYING???" I wanted to answer her with "Because life is awful and broken and relationships are impossibly complicated!" but I settled for "Because...um...because he's sad." Or something.

This Saturday I'm going with the Thayers to visit Whit, and I'm going to Virginia next weekend...so things are picking up! And starting next Monday I make the switch from poor, Hispanic, elementary school to rich, white, high school. So that should be interesting for sure...

Really, iTunes?!?

Unbelievable.

Other than having the worst recommendations EVER from iTunes, my life is good. Teaching the little babies has been educational, to say the least. Today I had lunch with my former CIT director, which was wonderful. And tonight I might go to a FIGHTNIGHT PARTY.

So yeah, life is good!

What Will Stay?

I feel like I must update this more when I'm at home than any other time! Well, maybe it just feels that way because I've been so busy lately. A short update:

I moved to Lancatser last weekend and got started with my student teaching on Wednesday. The kids are adorable! I'm in Lebanon at an elementary school where the kids are primarily Hispanic and totally cute. Seriously, the first graders melted my heart a little. Sadly, the school has struggled to make AYP with their test scores for the last several years, and they've cut the art program to the point where I only see each class once every 6 days for a grand total of 30 minutes. Imagine trying to teach anything to a group of 8 year olds in 30 minutes, let alone the prep/clean up that's required for an art class! But it's a challenge I'm excited to face. My co-op is great, and even though it's kind of a long commute (around an hour each way), the time in the car is good time to mentally prepare for the day and to debrief when it's all over.

I had a four day weekend this weekend, which seemed a little silly, but it'll be a good way to ease into the student teaching. Yesterday, I had lunch with Amanda in Lancaster and then drove home through some holiday traffic.

So now I'm home. For a lot of reasons, being home right now is really good and really hard. There are some potential changes happening in my family that will be great in the long term, but are hard to process today. I'm sorry for being vague; nothing bad is happening or going on...just some thoughts my parents have been having about THE FUTURE. Good thoughts, but still...change is hard.

And today is hard. It's been 15 years since my mom passed away, as of today. For that reason, home is where I need to be today. I'm able to spend time remembering in the right context...but that somehow makes it more difficult. Walking around my house and being in places where my mom used to be...well, it's just hard to comprehend sometimes. And 15 years? That's a lot, too. I can't really believe I've lived this much of my life without her..and yet, it seems only natural, too. What else have I known? But even though today is painful, it is good to spend time remembering.

Two Stamp Tuesday!

Yesterday was Two Stamp Tuesday at Rita's, so CB and I made the trek out to the closest one (about 15 mins away) and braved the rain for some deliciousness.

Once we were back in the warm car and out of the blustery rain, I realized that I couldn't feel my fingers. Those cups get cold! After complaining to CB about this, she excitedly jumped out of the car.



Moments later, after she dove into her trunk, CB resurfaced with a proper cup holder: one of those foam soda can holder things. It was excellent, as was my mango gelati.

In other news...tomorrow is my last day of teaching at Swain. Sad day! I've really grown to love those kids. It'll be hard to say goodbye to them. After school tomorrow, I'll be driving out to Ligonier for the night. I'm staying in Leeanne's house (even though she won't be there because she's on vacation) and then at 7AM on Friday I'm driving out to Antiochian Village to go to a CCO interview. It's something I've been praying about and thinking about a lot lately. I finished my application yesterday, and I'm going to have first interview over breakfast. I'm not really nervous right now, mostly because I've realized that if the Lord is calling me to work for the CCO, then I will. If not...I'll go where he leads me.

Then Friday night when I get back to school...well, I'll be "hitting the books" as they say. I have LESS THAN TWO WEEKS (HALLELUJAH) before the summer!! So I just have to pump out some finals and take the Praxis II and pack up all my junk.

And THEN on May 5th I'm driving down to visit Mrs. Thayer (love her!) and on May 6th I fly out of Baltimore to visit the one and only Lisa Lockwood.

So basically, I'm ready to be in California. Like...now.

Oh, and then CAMP. LOVE IT.

April Showers and All of that Stuff

There's a lot going on in my life right now. I'm busy at school, because it's the last couple of weeks of class. I have projects, lesson plans, papers, paintings and tests coming up. I have two more weeks of teaching at my Early Field school, which is unbelievable. I only have 27 days left to the semester! How is that possible?

But enough of that. Here are some good and exciting things in my life:

- Yesterday I went on a field trip with my co-op and 7th grade students to Longwood Gardens! I'd never been there, but it is huge and beautiful! All of my watercolor lessons for the students culminated in spending the day wandering around and painting. They all did pretty well, if I do say so myself.



The boys in my group got tired of painting flowers, so we went outside to the Topiary garden for a while. It was a beautiful day! On the way home, we got caught in traffic because of a bad accident on the turnpike, so we ended up sitting without moving for about 40 minutes. And here's the thing about 7th graders: they think that "bus" means "big yellow drama-box." I can understand some of the confusion, but it was a little crazy. They were singing and yelling and whatnot (typical) and everyone seemed happy. And THEN, when we finally got home...half of the girls were crying!!! What?!?! I think it was over a boy, which is pretty funny because all of the boys are pretty nerdy. Ahh, to be 12 again...

- College Beth and I entered an "Edible Art Contest" yesterday with our NAEA (National Art Educators Association) club/chapter thing here. We made candy sushi, using rice crispy treats, fruit by the foot, mike and ikes, and sweedish fish. And we had green icing as wasabi and chocolate syrup for soy sauce. We bought like a bamboo matt for it and everything, so we went all out. They were pretty incredible if you ask me...and if you ask the judges, since we TOTALLY WON. We got a $20 gift certificate to a place in town called Spuds where they make crazy french fries. And...well it was exciting. Hopefully I'll get pictures (I forgot to take my camera because I'm dumb) and post them soon!

- I got new books in the mail to read!!!



The Relevant Bookstore had a sale last week where all of their books were $4. They do a series of books called "Foundations of Faith" that are small collections of cornerstone works. I bought GK Chesterton's Orthodoxy from them a while ago and I loved it. So when I saw that their books were mega-cheap, I shelled out and picked up The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis and Foundations of the Christian Religion by Blaise Pascal. I'm in the middle of two other books (sometimes I have poor self-control when it comes to finishing books before starting another), so it might be a little while before I get down to work on these, but I'm excited to read them.

- I got my LCCC Contract in the mail yesterday! So once I fill that out and send it in, it will be official. I'll be CIT directing, apparently. How is that possible?! I'm still a baby. I feel like I was just a CIT last summer. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration...but still. This is weird. In a good way.

So...that's that! And now I'm going to enjoy my friday. I'm supposed to meet with my CCO leader on campus this afternoon to discuss things, and I have a few phone calls to make. It should be a nice day, despite the constant rain.

Excerpt No 2

Aaahh, the weekend at last! It felt so good to sleep in today, even though the fire alarm for my dorm awoke me at 4:45 this morning. I live in such a large dorm that when we have fire alarms, they only evacuate three floors: the one where the alarm was set off, and the two above and below it. When you're not among those floors, you get to listen to a terribly repetitive announcement that goes something like this: "Attention. Attention. An incident has been reported in the building, but does not affect your floor. Do not use the elevators or leave your floor until you have heard from the automated emergency message." And that repeats over. And over. Very loudly. At least I didn't have to leave my bed, however!

I taught two 7th grade lessons yesterday, one of which was observed by my supervisor. The lessons went well, and my supervisor gave me great feedback. She's wonderful! And I've found that the Lord really provides me with enouragement when I need it most. Over the last 3 years, as I've begun to wonder if I made the right decision about Kutztown and Art Education, He's put professors or situations that remind me that I'm where I need to be. It's good to be reminded of that once again.

So today I finally get to relax and let go of worries! Spring break was full of homework, but this weekend isn't, which is great. Leeanne might be stopping by on Sunday as she travels about this side of the state doing promotions; it'll be nice to see her and get even more excited about this summer (if that's possible).

To conclude, I'll throw in the next chunk of my reflection I started to share last time.

"In high school I poured out so much ridiculous, manufactured pain on a close friend of mine. I expected so much from her, knowing that what I asked was out of a vain desire to feel assurance or pity or love. Had I just been a friend, I could’ve had something much more meaningful. Sure, it was a time of growth and pain…but much of it was selfish and demanding.

And another case – oh man. Talk about self-destructive. There are so many examples within that relationship where I let go of sensibility and dove headfirst into this hedonistic attitude that enveloped me. From the fall of senior year (How was that awful time in my life ever defined as “good” by me? How could I not see what I was doing?), to the winter when I let my heart be abused and mistreated, to the spring when, in an unbelievably pathetic turn of events, I gratefully – gratefully! - welcomed this person’s friendship with no questions asked. Gracious? I wish it were rooted in that. But it was rooted in feeling loved again, no matter the cost. And that I held on to that for another three years of aching self-doubt and insecurity…what a sad story.

I guess the good news is this: I can look back on that and see how broken those relationships were. Had I some self-control or a bit more wisdom, I could’ve salvaged a friendship, or saved myself a lot of heartache. I’m amazed at how easily I gave myself over to someone who was so thoughtless with my heart. And I’m amazed at how selfishly I demanded the attention and energy of someone that I said I cared about. And I did care! Oh, I did. And with great devotion, and great, exacting care I would tell and re-tell the people in my life how fabulous I thought they were.

Why do I do that? I mean, I still do. Does it stem from wanting that same assurance? Probably…well, at least partially. It’s equally unhealthy to criticize something about me that’s valuable. I think nurturing is a gift of mine, particularly through words of encouragement and gifts. So while I was blinded by my willingness to feel loved to the point that I would let myself be hurt (or would even hurt others) I think I equally feel the desire to pour out that love on the people from whom I demand it."